Thursday, February 26, 2015

Introducing the Podcast 100% Candice

So I've started a thing.

I used to be a podcaster. I still am a podcaster. My show was taken away from me. Or I chose to leave it. Hard to say. I guess I chose to let it be taken from me. Five years ago I asked my best friend and the person I loved talking with most to start a podcast. He'd never listened to one, had no idea why anyone would do one or why we should do one. After a lot of months of nudging, we finally started a show.

I was, and still am, very proud of that show. But after a few years my best friend became my boyfriend, which changed our relationship and my relationship with the things we shared dramatically. Two and a half months ago he wanted to not be my boyfriend anymore. And that changed my relationship with the things we shared. I think he thought we would continue to be best friends and creative partners. I think he thought I would continue doing the show. But I cannot.

But being a podcaster is something that is very important to me. The friends I have made in the four or more years I've been creating my show are very important to me. That group is made of two types of people. People who make and listen to podcasts and people who make and watch webseries (my other show was about webseries).  I don't know how to keep my relationships with the people who make and watch webseries, that one is too wound up in my past relationship and everything about that just cuts me to the core.

But I do know how to keep my relationship with the people who make and listen to podcasts. For some reason the idea of that space doesn't hurt, it feels warm and safe and inspiring. Maybe because I brought it to my relationship, I don't know.

For the time being I have lost everything I know about myself, except this one thing. And so I am holding on to it, like a life raft.

I've started a solo personal podcast. A slice of my life. I'm still sorting out the actual mechanics of podcasting, like a permanent place to host it and an RSS feed and getting it to places where people listen to shows. But for now, I've recorded the first episode and uploaded it to Soundcloud.


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